Caller blocked

Due to many spam and annoying phone callers, the phone has a rather large blocked caller list. The phone starts ring and just as you are about to answer it, the blocked caller screen appears and it ceases it rant. I like to think what happens is that somewhere along the signal, a grey bearded cloaked figure with a staff appears, and slamming his staff on the oncoming signal shouts "you shall not pass". Then signal then dies away and the phone registers call "blocked".
Okay I know that's not how it works, but it would be really cool if what we view as technology and circuitry has a huge vast fantasy world behind it. For example if your computer was actually a city, and when the computer crashes the city is experiencing a hurricane or natural disaster.

Doors

I thought I would try my hand at poetry. This is just a rough draft but what do you think?

Doors

The golden grain and dark hues

The solid frame and stoic stance

These guardians of virtue and values

These are doors

They separate light from darkness

They divide the earth between their girth

That we be separate behind their parapet

That unifies us within it bold borders

Burn and demolish

Break and refurbish

Dust and deliver

Donate and develop

The portal to another world

The entrance to a foreign power

These ushers to a grand frontier

These are doors

Fairwell fair companion

Unfortunately, my computer died. We already had this love-hate relationship with each other.
I was the humans, she the aliens. I was Julius Cezar and she was Brutus on hard mode armed with a mini gun. I was Dante and she, Virgil leading down the layers of my filing system. We were Columbus and Vasco Da Gama, exploring the vast reaches of the internet. I was the immortal Achilles, and she the army of Troy. I the hero, she the villain. I the villain she the hero. She would win some battles, and I would win others. But at the end of the day we both sat down and worked together, hand in hand, to write that paper. Or maybe publish that RRT post. But my computer looked out for me and said "go enjoy the flowers" I shall sacrifice myself so that you can finish that book, go for walk, enjoy the weather. With this realization she gave the ultimate sacrifice. She died and left me with a terrifying BSoD. I shall never forget that sacrifice till tomorrow. Then I shall order the broken part. In the meantime I guess I shall read that book. I also might not be able to get out posts as often. My deepest apologies, fans.

Happy Mother's Day

I was thinking how odd Mother's day is. A whole day to celebrate a component of a PC? I mean I love my PC as much as the next, but a whole day to celebrate it?  Confusing. Besides if you celebrate the mother board shouldn't you also celebrate the GPU, processor, and hardrive? Why is it only for mother boards?
Another point I wanted to touch on about this strange holiday is what to get your mother board. I heard that chocolate and flowers is a good gift, but unless they make really durable motherboards, I think it would melt and kill it. I am also not sure about flowers. I might be able to change my computer settings to "boot with flowers". Their probably is some malware for that.
Maybe it gets tired of being around the same RAM and processor. Maybe I should remove the motherboard fully and take it on a nice spring promenade.

(Happy Mother's Day!!)

Flying Cows Pt 4

  I hopped onto the two-seater ATV behind Tom and his father rode another one to their--what I call--homestead. It was a typical old style farmhouse like the one seen in Interstellar. I admit was nervous about accepting their invitation to lunch. Many diseases are transmitted via the fecal-oral route, and I only eat mushrooms when I am forced to for politeness sake. I followed Tom into the house and there his mother was dressed like a typical earthy hipster. She greeted me with a smile and welcomed me in the soft-spoken way that naturopaths speak. Tom introduced me to her and I learned that her name is Kate. I sat down to a hearty meal of a roast beef sandwich with cheese and mushrooms as well as some fresh vegetables. I will never forget the wonderful flavors of that sandwich. I forgot why I was there, what I needed to do, and when I needed to leave because I was intensely enjoying my lunch. After lunch was over, I felt rather sleepy, but then I had many questions to ask them on the tip of my tongue. However, when I moved and sat down on the couch, I fell asleep. I woke up at dusk. Kate came over and said, "Oh good! You're awake! Are you hungry?"

"No, I am not hungry, but thank you! I should probably leave, and thank you for your hospitality!" I replied

"Leave?! Tonight is when the aliens come to visit us and inspect the farm. You'll learn so much more if you stay!"

If there is one thing I dislike, it is this sort of situation. If I leave, I will probably be able to go back to my normal life and be a productive member of society with a few nagging questions. If I stay, I may embark in an adventure. In any even I will never be the same. How can anyone forget levitating cows?

"How do you know that the aliens will come tonight?" I asked so as to prolong given my final answer

"Oh, well John and Tom study the mushrooms in the forest and there are several special varieties that appear on the eve of when the aliens are to visit us."

My face must have betrayed my skepticism.

"Haha, yes, I know it seems a little strange, and I was skeptical at first, but they have been regular visitors for the past two years."

"Why do they come at night? And with today's technology wouldn't the US government be able to detect a flying object?"

"Oh, well that is when mushrooms appear, and from what Tom and John say, the materials and navigation are something they have never seen before. You have so many great questions. Just stay and I'm sure one of the aliens would be more than happy to talk to you!"

"I'm sure." I said in my dry sarcastic voice. My thirst for adventure and excitement was outweighing my commonsense. I have been living a life of common sense and respectability. I pulled out my phone and texted my parents to let them know that I was staying at the coast for a couple of days. I gave them the reason that I was rather stressed and needed a break…which was true to some extent. I have been wanting to live in an adventure instead of watch or read one. I also didn't want anyone to inevitably worry about me and send the police searching for me. With that task done, I told Kate, "Okay, so I have decided to stay. What do I do now?"

"Oh, this is wonderful! We need a scientist! I study herbs and mushrooms, but I don't have a background in biology."

"Wait a minute, are you saying that I was targeted? Like the aliens somehow figured out who I am what I do and that I would come here?"

"Well…I don't know," replied Kate. I suddenly was feeling a bit scared. I don't have a PhD in biology, nor have I participated in ground breaking research. I only have done the grunt-work of research as a research assistant. Yes, I have a great curiosity about the world and have many interests outside of extracting DNA and studying proteins. If anything, I am guided by common sense and try to come to logical conclusions. But if I was chosen by some species outside of this earth for whatever purpose they have, I have absolutely no idea what to expect. Not knowing what to expect is worse than knowing what to expect even if what you expect is the very worse.

"However, you should eat something."

"Will I fall asleep again? By the way why did I fall asleep almost immediately after eating lunch?" I asked

"No, you won't fall asleep again, you may feel somewhat drowsy. This beef is special and if it was any other kind of beef I would not eat it. However, we have a special herd, (not the levitating kind) given to us by the aliens. That is primarily for food. I can't tell you much more than that except I feel like I can learn and retain more information."

"Well, it sounds extraordinary and if it makes me smarter, well I don't mind. Sure, I'll have some dinner!" I responded

If I am being "poisoned," then might as well make the most of it, right? That is purely a rhetorical question, but the food was very good. Maybe the beef has compounds in it that promotes relaxation and allows the brain to reorganize and store information in a more efficient manner. It's a pleasant thought, but until some real research can be done on it, it is only through not very trustworthy testimonials. Yes, I know that I am trying this because of what someone said, but I am feeling adventurous.

After I finished eating and was getting up, suddenly everything around me became very still.

I then heard Kate say, "They are here. Come with me." With some trepidation, I followed Kate out the door and knew at that moment I was like Bilbo Baggins going on his adventure. The galaxy is ahead, earth is behind me. 

Bungee Seats

Have you ever gone to a concert hall and looked up at the ceiling, and thought, "it would be so cool to jump off of the catwalks." No I am not suicidal. In fact that is the exact reason why I do not jump. The flight would be fun but the impact... less fun. Maybe that is why humpty dumpty fell.
In order to fix this problem I think every concert hall needs to install bungee chairs. Right before the concert starts the attendees strap themselves into the chairs and are pushed off of the catwalk. a strong bungee cord then keeps them from plummeting to their death but also heightens the shows suspense. Who does not want to see a performance or concert from the ceiling. A possible problem with this idea is that it might cause ticket sales to go through the roof.

An adventure

Today I was engaging in that necessary pursuit, cooking. Sigh. Without it I would starve, with it I have to reallocate time to the collection and stirring of various substances to make something that tastes slightly better. Oh well. Anyway I was engaging in this pursuit when discovered that I had run out of sugar. As a result I went questing into the dark caverns dubbed the ominous term "The Garage" in order to climb a tall freezer and retrieve the much needed bag of sugar. Just after I retrieved the parcel of glucose I spotted a cookie tin. "Halloo what is this here? A leftover from Christmas overlooked by the hungry creatures that inhabit the garage? As I walked closer to this treasure chest I realized that I in my hurry to complete the quest I had not engaged in any of the dungeon monsters. For there walking across a lid dating from the Mesozoic era crawled a sugar ant. I made a mental note of it and continued my walk to the tin. Joy upon joy this chest did contain loot! Unfortunately it was just the oatmeal raisin cookies that were made using the wrong recipe. Not to be deterred I placed the whole morsel into my mouth. As I approached the daylight, the undefeated dungeon boss crawled out of the shadows and challenged me as to what I had eaten. It said something like "thou hastes stolen from my hoard and will pay dearly." I forgot the real words but it was something of the sort. In order to reply I spat out the contents of my mouth onto my hand. I said, "My apologies ma'am, I did not know these were off limits." Puffing smoke from her nostrils she replied,"Tho would be well advised not to do that again and incur my wrath".
The glorious light greeted my glad face as I calmly walked out of The Garage with the gelatinous glop of cookie in my right palm. I had conquered The Garage once again and claimed my prize. I was the victor and to the victor belongs the spoils. Seconds before I stuck the dead cookie in my mouth I noticed something was aloof. Upon further examination I saw what appeared to be a tiny leg and then a tiny torso that had tiny wings. What sort of treachery was this? What villain hath tainted my spoils? If I had not scrupulously inspected the gelatinous mixture, it would have put an end to my cooking and possibly an end to my adventures. For their it was, ants. Sigh! Perhaps I shall not die for ants are a delicacy in many cultures so perhaps it was a sign of hospitality. After recovering from shock I finished baking my quest, and made a mixture that was slightly better than its parts.

Happy April Fools!

April Fools day has its origin in many different cultures from Rome, India, and Medieval Europe. New Years during the middle ages was celebrated on March 25th. It also used to be that New Years was celebrated week long ending on the April 1st. The people who celebrated New Years on January 1st made fun of the people that celebrated later in the year. Eventually you were considered a fool if you celebrated New Years on April 1st. Many different traditions surround April Fools Day such as if you did any April Fools jokes before noon you were considered the April Fool. I guess that makes me the fool for posting this a (little) after noon April 1st.

Free!!

A friend of mine (not mentioning any names) asked me to advertise for his business that he is starting. Its called "Free Money Removal Services" or FMRS. His business will remove money for you for free! for FREE!! I have placed a few orders myself. Its so useful, everyone I know has piles of useless cash lying around and my friend will remove them with no added charge (though it is advised to tip the person removing the money). I really don't know why people have not come up with this great idea before.
Besides studies show that 93.7% of Americans die because of suffocating under large piles of cash. This means that not only is he removing your cash but also potentially saving your life.
So please don't die from cash inhalation and call my pho..
I mean my friend. yes definitely a friend. Mere acquaintances really. Hardly know each other.

What you need to know in case you want to excract my pin

I thought it would be a good idea to list all of the ways you could torture me if you want to learn my pin. Just so that you can save time trying to reveal the secret through brute force. Hey your time is just as valuable as mine!

1. Repeat Pluto is a planet 1,000 times for breakfast lunch and dinner.

2. Try to sell me on special water that is supposed to cure cancer every day on the 1 and 3 weeks of the month.

3. Play recordings of people eating really loudly all day 2nd and 4th weeks of the month.

4. While this is happening have me locked away in a fabric store and put me on a vegan diet.

5. Show videos of people smashing factory fresh LEGOs on the 5th week of the month (when there is a fifth week).

6.  Threaten to do any of the above to any of my friends or family (except if its my imaginary friends, they wouldn't mind)(on second thought they probably would mind the Pluto thing, so you could try doing that on them. I might give the desired intelligence then.)

Their you go! So if you want to kidnap me my hours are approximately 11p.m-1:30a.m from Friday to Saturday. If I am not available my secretary will be more than happy to escort you to the door.

Libaries are Dangerous

Even with the internet, nothing beats the feel and smell of a book. As a result concentrations of books create large gravitational forces that suck unsuspecting citizens into. The gravity field around these singularities of books is so strong that not even knowledge can escape.
Alas even the most hardy folk are subjugated to the pull of this force.
I for one has succumbed many times, but yesterday I broke free.
I was in the library looking for books on math. It just so happened that the math section was right next to the theoretical physics and quantum mechanics section. This is the conversation that went on in my head.
Self 1: Stay on target!
Self 2: What a coincidence the math section is right next to the theoretical physics section. Hmm.  Hey! maybe we can find a book about negative energy!
Self  1: Stay on target!
Self 2: THEY HAVE THE SCIENCE BEHIND DOCTOR WHO!!! We HAVE to get that.
Self 1: Stay on... wait I wonder how his theory compares to mine?
Self 2: Only one way to find out.
Self 1: Sounds great lets check it out.
Self 3 Hold it!
Self 1 and 2: Come on its a great book!!
Self 3: The content of yonder book may be exquisite but no matter how supurb the content is, it does not decrease the stack of books that you are reading.
Self 1: Ugh you are no fun!
Self 2: I guess I see the logic in that argument. Okay lets put it back and we can check it out some other time when we have less to read.
Salf: Well if the board agrees to this decision, fine!
And with that I put down the book realised that the library did not have the book I wanted and walked out of the library without checking out a single book.
I was victorious over this field of attractiveness. I had done it!

Gomba

This week I am also featuring someone else's random thought. Remember please comment if you have any weird or just a plain idea.

Gomba is a little known island in the Caribbean. The island has strangely unparalleled internet access, because there is only one computer there is a fifteen thousand dollar Xidax. It has about twenty people on modified exercise bikes to power it. The biggest building on the island is the Gaming Theater, which is like a movie theater, but it shows a live-stream from the Xidax. The PC is in the operators booth with the person playing inside sound proof walls so he/she wont be distracted from the cheering. Every time the PC is booted up the person who was playing rotates with another person via a special system using last names and the Pythagorean theorem. They may not be pros, but they're really good at what they do.

-The Entire Population of Gomba

Flying Cows Pt 3

 Tom's father "aka the Mushroom Man" neared his son introduced me to his father who is called, "John." A perfectly ordinary name for a uniquely attired person.

"Hello," I said, "Your son was just telling me all the work that you've been doing and all the help the aliens have given."

"You are the first person I've met outside of my family who the aliens have contacted."

"Really?" asked I, "Because I thought the aliens contacted insomniacs and I know a lot of insomniacs."

"Well, not every insomniac is intelligent enough to accept that there are other worlds that can support life and have done so for many years. I assume you are the first who realized it wasn't just a dream."

"They did give me some mushroom spores."

"MUSHROOM SPORES!!!!" Exclaimed John. "This is a great honor they have bestowed on me. Now I can communicate with them. You see, mushrooms are how the aliens found us. What are, a scientist?"

"Uh, yes I am a scientist."

Well then, scientists search for water looking for life, but you can't have food without photosynthesizing organisms. But they will die and need something to break down the plant matter. Mushrooms and fungi are great at that and when they reproduce, they send out spores into the air."

"Wait a second…mushrooms don’t send spores into space. Yes, I've seen videos on Youtube about mushrooms exploding, but they don't have that kind of power. You need rocket fuel."

"Ha! Well that is where you are wrong…not completely though. You are still thinking like every other scientist out there."

I was beginning to not like how this conversation was going. Yes, I know scientists aren't always right and that there are a lot of planets that have the potential for life and I know the definition of life…but mushrooms? Tin foil hats? This  was sounding too much like a conspiracy theory crackpots trying to initiate someone else into their group. I know that I am strange in the sense I like new information. But I like tested information.  Question everything and follow the evidence is my motto. The issue here is that if he is right, then there is a whole world of possibilities. Oh and the cows and the weird trees. We do have genetic engineering that could possibly make trees like that. The part that doesn't fit is levitating cows. I could understand flying lizards, fish, extremely large flying insects, but cows? There is no record of such creatures existing in the fossil record and I'm pretty sure they don't have DNA that could be manipulated. There must be some environmental factor.

"You probably think that I’m a nutcase, right?"

"Well, you do have to admit is a little strange to see people wearing tin foil hats, eating mushrooms and saying the aliens  gave you special knowledge and only a select know."

"Hahaha, yes you are right, but it is not a conspiracy and the aliens do exist and I will tell you all that I know. This I will say just in case you have read too many sci-fi novels, they are not here to harm us, but to explore. Think of them as those who understand a lot more about science than we do."

"Okay, I am curious though, especially about the cows. When I seem them, I keep thinking that I may be hallucinating. Is there an explanation for that."

"Oh, yes, and I want to offer you something to eat, but I think I should explain before you eat just in case you think I may use mushrooms to help my cause" he said with a smile.

I must admit, they both seemed like nice people who were just happy that someone else was also interested in the same   things they were, but there was a part of me that said to walk away, but those cows…my curiosity outweighed my hesitation and I listened to this strange tale that even if not true was still quite interesting in and of itself.

-Signy

Remember that if you have any weird random or plain normal ideas please tell me in the comments.

Happy Valentines Day Loyal Fans..... From my heart

The sweltering sun beat mercilessly down upon the inhabitants of  the Incan city. A casual observer would notice that the drab stone houses were devoid of their normal occupants. If that same visitor were to travel through the center of the city he would come to the temple where all the villages inhabitants were gathered. One might ask what event caused this displacement of inhabitants from their normal duties. The answer lies in the top of the temple where the chief priest, dressed in all the colors of a garden in spring, stood surrounded by the other priests dressed in a similar garb. For this was sacrifice day. Upon the unforgiving cold stone alter bespattered with blood lay the helpless sacrifice. Some unfortunate soul that could have come from a battle or maybe he just happened to be at the wrong place in the wrong time. It mattered not where. The victim screamed and pleaded to be released, but his pleas landed on deaf ears as the priests gagged him and bound him to that hard alter. The sacrifice gave one last gallant effort to break free of his cruel bonds and then fell silent as he awaited his doom. The priest raised his right hand high above his soon to be sacrifice as the fingers of the priest clenched his curved obsidian knife. Would he relent? Would he release his victim out of a moment of love and compassion? NO! The hand of the priest flew in a devilish downward arc. Like a lion pouncing on his panic stricken prey, the knife cut ever downward. Down to the chest of the victim. Down to the death of this innocent soul the hand of the priest flew like the bird of prey represented on the helmet that the priest bore. Now the priest has plunged the knife into the soft flesh of his victim. The priest's prey gave one last utterance and lay forever quiet as the predator lifted up its victims heart up to the sun. As the blood streamed down the priests once colorful robes something unexpected happened. The heart slipped out the priests hands and fell to the stone floor of the temple. The crowd gasped. This had never happened before. Ashamed that he had spoiled the ceremony, the priest bent down to pick up the heart. Suddenly the heart stood up on its life giving veins and unsheathed a small dagger. Like Beowulf killing the dragon, the heart stabbed the priest multiple times. The hunter became the hunted. The predator became the prey as the heart of the priest's victim slew the priest. As he lay dying the priest gasped. Help I am having a heart attack!!!

Happy Valentines Day!
Please do not have a heart attack or get attacked by heart!

Flying Cows pt. 2

Last night, I wasn't sleeping and looked outside my bedroom window and saw an alien planting mushrooms.  These were special mushrooms which glowed. My curiosity overwhelmed me and I quickly went outside. The alien approached me and I had no idea how I should respond. The alien greeted me saying, "Greetings, oh sleepless one! I was wondering when you would come." I was taken aback by this seemingly polite greeting and I managed to say, "Well, it isn't every night that I have seen a visitor from a distant land planting glowing mushrooms."

"Ah, yes our race takes care of the mushrooms in the galaxy, and the mushrooms send us signals about what happens here on earth." 

"But I have dissected mushrooms and we eat mushrooms all the time."

Well, I will explain more to you later on about the importance of mushrooms to the universe, but here are instructions for you to meet another one like yourself who grows vegetables, but also has been instructed on how to train cows to resist gravity."

"I have been taught that gravity is a constant."

"Oh, yes gravity is a constant to those who sleep." Now I could understand that, because there have been times when my lack of sleep has caused me to feel light headed…maybe I was levitating…Anyway I nodded my head since apparently I had much to "learn." asked the alien how otherworldy the instructions were and the alien replied, "They are directions using roads and your what do you call them? Oh, that's right a car. Here are the mushroom spores to give to this farmer.

"I must be going," said the alien, "You should visit the farmer as soon as your time allows." And the alien just disappeared. I walked back inside and went to bed not expecting to sleep, but to think. In the morning, I arose and thought over the events of the previous night. I spent time trying to figure out how much was my own imaginings and how much was real. Well, I had the mushroom spores and directions to the farm. Those aliens know how to prey upon my curiosity. Isn't there a saying that curiosity killed the cat? Anyway, I set off in my car and the directions were detailed and led me there. My only complaint was the traffic leaving town. The farm was located near the coast which has an excellent climate for growing mushrooms, and was surround by hills. This protected it from any passing cars. It felt really strange to be visiting a complete stranger's house/place of business for no other reason than dropping off mushroom spores that some creature from another solar system or galaxy gave me the night before. I guess I could give the farmer the excuse that I must have been hallucinating. As these thoughts were going through my head, I parked my car and got out. I didn't see anyone at first, but then the clouds parted and the sun shone. I noticed something shiny. Knowing that conspiracy theorists like tin foil hats, I had a funny idea enter my head and I decided to follow it. Thus, I walked toward the shiny object. As I walked closer, I saw a barn and a man wearing a ten gallon tin foil hat mixing what appeared to be feed.

-Signy

Sure pigs can fly, but what about cows? Part 1

I thought that I should include some outside talent. This next work is by a friend of mine.

If you have a weird idea please comment and I might post it and give you a shout-out.

Last night, I wasn't sleeping and looked outside my bedroom window and saw an alien planting mushrooms.  These were special mushrooms which glowed. My curiosity overwhelmed me and I quickly went outside. The alien approached me and I had no idea how I should respond. The alien greeted me saying, "Greetings, oh sleepless one! I was wondering when you would come." I was taken aback by this seemingly polite greeting and I managed to say, "Well, it isn't every night that I have seen a visitor from a distant land planting glowing mushrooms."

"Ah, yes our race takes care of the mushrooms in the galaxy, and the mushrooms send us signals about what happens here on earth." 

"But I have dissected mushrooms and we eat mushrooms all the time."

Well, I will explain more to you later on about the importance of mushrooms to the universe, but here are instructions for you to meet another one like yourself who grows vegetables, but also has been instructed on how to train cows to resist gravity."

"I have been taught that gravity is a constant."

"Oh, yes gravity is a constant to those who sleep." Now I could understand that, because there have been times when my lack of sleep has caused me to feel light headed…maybe I was levitating…Anyway I nodded my head since apparently I had much to "learn." asked the alien how otherworldy the instructions were and the alien replied, "They are directions using roads and your what do you call them? Oh, that's right a car. Here are the mushroom spores to give to this farmer.

"I must be going," said the alien, "You should visit the farmer as soon as your time allows." And the alien just disappeared. I walked back inside and went to bed not expecting to sleep, but to think. In the morning, I arose and thought over the events of the previous night. I spent time trying to figure out how much was my own imaginings and how much was real. Well, I had the mushroom spores and directions to the farm. Those aliens know how to prey upon my curiosity. Isn't there a saying that curiosity killed the cat? Anyway, I set off in my car and the directions were detailed and led me there. My only complaint was the traffic leaving town. The farm was located near the coast which has an excellent climate for growing mushrooms, and was surround by hills. This protected it from any passing cars. It felt really strange to be visiting a complete stranger's house/place of business for no other reason than dropping off mushroom spores that some creature from another solar system or galaxy gave me the night before. I guess I could give the farmer the excuse that I must have been hallucinating. As these thoughts were going through my head, I parked my car and got out. I didn't see anyone at first, but then the clouds parted and the sun shone. I noticed something shiny. Knowing that conspiracy theorists like tin foil hats, I had a funny idea enter my head and I decided to follow

-Signy