Saturday, August 12, 2017

Little Cows over Moon Daycare

Little Cows Over Moon Daycare or LCOMD is an innovative new infant daycare. Instead of a building full of boring crafts and walls that looks like the painter took LSD, LCOMD is completely outside and open aired. All it is, is a parking lot surrounded by a chain linked fence topped with barbed wire (you should never underestimate the little stinkers). Within the parking lot is about 30 human cannons pointed straight up. The infants/toddlers are strapped into the patent pending automatic parachutes and launched directly into the sky. Once the little persons are in the sky, there is no need for a diaper or pacifier. Who is going to hear the screams if they are in the stratosphere? No diapers are not needed either because the asphalt is "very easy to hose down."
On the way down, the automatic parachute deploys at the exact time for the wieght. This does 2 things: 1 it slows their decent and 2 it burps them. The company promises that "Toddlers exposed to the cannon treatment learn valuable life lessons. Such as life's ups and downs." When asked about cognitive development the CEO is reported as saying "nothing is more stimulating than the feeling of your eyeballs being shoved to the back of your skull followed by the feeling of complete helplessness."
The routine for each day is very simple:
-First set of "kangaroo hops" (the technical term of launches)
-Second set of Kangaroo hops
-Pickup (sometimes this entails cleanup if the small human in question had a little accident. They are called "cow patties")
Due to not needing teachers or normal daycare personal, the entire station is managed by only one person who feeds them, packs the parachutes, tucks them in the cannon, and pulls the big red lever.
When the only caretaker was interviewed about his job, he was quoted as saying "This job is really a blast! My favorite part is when they just finish breakfast, and I tuck them in their little parachutes and place them in the cannons. With any luck they are all fast asleep by the time I stick the last one in. I then quietly tip-toe over to the red lever, and pull it as hard as I can. I normally accompany it with "see you later stinkers!!!". After saying this the interviewee burst into uncontrollable laughter while saying something about the look on their faces.
The daycare has only a limited amount of spaces, so apply before its too late. Or wait for a few more "cow patties" to happen.

Sunday, May 14, 2017

What I read

Words on a page before me lay
A riddle before me lay
Take words the and read
The directions follawy
And I will solve it

   what can the blind see
   but those with eyes cannot
   The blind stumble and fall
   in a world of sight.
   The world deems them in capable, incompetent
   A broken staff they cry!
   Out! Down! There is no place for those
   who do not conform

  But what the world is blind to see
  with their downward gaze
  is the flapping of a thousand pictures
  the pounding of ten thousand opportunities

Back to the I page look.
The words unsolved.
atlas t I see riddle
I turn leaf
presented with a
jumble of
pic u ed lette  rs


Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Home Poem

An empty forest field

Fresh with fragrant flowers and tall grass.

A great bird lands like a shield,

Surveying the great yield.

An empty forest field

Echoing with the work of iron clad animals,

Erecting four walls with windows that enthralls,

The frame set, foundation poured.

An empty forest field

A fresh house with open door.

Ten armored knights with the heart of a bent star-

Stepped over the threshold.

A house in an empty field

Flowing with mirth, humming with talk of what was.

Architects, crafting buildings of future thoughts.

Walls marked with the scent of sharpened practice.

A house in an empty field

With the smell of broken bread and spilt water.

The inhabitance quiet in the arms of sleep.

Windowed walls broken by a careless blow.

Spears of rain shielded by the resilient roof.

Pound, Pound, Pound!

The feet on the ground-

Echoing with sound-

Run, Run, Run to the sun,

The great bird ever did run

An empty house in an empty field

Screaming silence deafened its chorus of colors.

Vines like snakes curled around the restless timbers.

Rain like swords sliced the silence,

hit the exiled floor with menace.

An empty house in an empty field

Bested by nature’s revenge,

Trampled by soft clad animals,

Yet it waited, helplessly hopefully watching.

Laughing clouds, mocking its perseverance.

HackLife #3

Go to bed wearing the next days clothes inside-out. This hack is incredible. It saves you one huge step in getting ready for the day. Instead of trying to figure out what you are going to wear, you are already wearing it.
What about the wrinkles you may ask?
Easy, if you wear wrinkled clothes long enough, people just get used to it. Plus I bet that one day there will be a wrinkled clothes fad. (totally cannot wait till that happens)

Monday, March 13, 2017

Pun Battle

I had the best pun-off with a friend over chat. Here it is
Me: Stash tee should make a flavor of tea called candy
so instead of having a candy stash you have a stash candy

Friend: That might actually be really good tea
Good itea

puns so good, you have a line of people wanting to hear them
a pun-ch line

Friend: That pun was adjaycent to the current're really going for the opposite effect here. sighne
Me: hehe
Friend: Sorry had to tangent on that one
Me: that's okay it just means that you have to co-sine on my loan
Friend: I guess so, but can you make sure to put this in the natural log of our loaning history? Gotta keep track of it.
Me: I will, it should be a piece of pi
Friend: This is the 2.72nd time it's happened, maybe we're being a bit irrational a fraction of the time and should try to factor out these loaning issues
Me: I personally think that all these issues are imaginary and quite complex

Are you sure you aren't being too negative? I think you're crossing the number-line

Me: I am not negative I am just uncertain, as hi-zed-berg told me.

You need a knuth-ought on this conversation

These puns have so much volume, it's boyle-ing my blood under all the pressure
Me:Sorry its because I am in my element

Only periodically
Which gets a bit borong

Me: that is what happens when you stick me in a crooke-d tube
Friend: Watch out, you might be at the base of the  reaction in that tube
Me: watch out for your acidic atti-tube


Don't get so NaCl-y

They'll start calling you a pi-rate
Me: because I come like a torrent
Friend: Riptides can do better than that, especially when all your friends are turning green and being taken away to the dark side
Me: they are not sea-soned enough
Friend: Seasoning them takes thyme though

Me: I could just rose-marry them off
Friend: Well, do it gingerly
Me: that does not get to the root of the problem
Friend: Let's dig deeper!
Me: this conversation is getting too dirty
Friend: It's making me go bug-eyed. This is a pretty rocky finish.
Me: go to  the compile-oster  and debug
Friend: Or you could just get a flyswatter too
Me: if you cannot find a bug to squash get an ada-fruit

Ar...duino anyone who has one?
C'mon, be Forth ward with me
Don't make me Assembly this all by my self
Me: yeah becuase you might aquire a lisp
A common one, at that
We could make an Elixir to make it go away
Me: careful that a python does not eat it, I heard that they see sharp
Friend: see-ing is a plus, plus it's cool! Might wanna use it to find some rubies or perls
Me: yeah see-ing is good, especially visually in a studio apartment
Friend: Your studio apartment is a bit rust-y, you might wanna bash it up to make it look better.
Me: do not think so, it has been hashed over enough.
Friend: If you say so. I'll bring the vimcuum so you can clean the floors later and they can be functional.
Me: on the way up the stairs you might find an office, with a bunch of Word, a guy that can Power Point, and a Publisher office.
Friend: Microsoft? I don't like him, too pretentious. Libra, his cousin, is much better.
Me: but his house does not have any windows
Neither does his brother Macintosh
but at least he has Mac-n-cheese
...Mac-n-cheese is a bit over the top. He has some Apples, too, y'know.
All of them have bytes out of them, unfortunately