Three must see tips to ace every test

Tips on how to ace every test:

#1 Always bring a coin. I cannot stress how important this is. If it is a true or false question and you have no idea, your best chance is to go with complete randomness.

#2 The longer the answer the better. If there is a question that you are not quite sure about, just keep rambling and hope you hit all the points.

#3 Do NOT study. Studying for tests makes the whole experience boring. Its way more fun to stitch what little you know about the Napoleonic wars, to answer a question about the velocity of a canon ball. You are a detective and the murder you are trying to prevent is the death of your grades.

With these three easy tips you are guaranteed to ace every test. As long as you bring the deck of cards.

Things I do not want to happen

I realized for the first time that I never want to see my grandparents again. This is because if I did that it would mean that their is a zombie apocalypse, because they are currently deceased. I sure hope my grandchildren do not see me when I die either! (I loved my grandparents and I was sad when they died)

How to be the life of the party in a foreign country

If you are ever at a party where everyone else has formed groups and you are left out, what should you do?
You should turn to the empty space next to you and start a conversation with you imaginary friend. It can be any topic you like and your imaginary friend is a good listener. I'm sure a real person might start talking with you after they see you talking to empty air.

Thanks France!

For some odd reason we are more popular in France then America. Hmm... Maybe we should start posting in English AND French.
Pour une raison étrange, nous sommes plus populaires en France puis l’Amérique. Hmm... Peut-être que nous devrions commencer affichant en anglais ET en Français.

The best burglar alarm. Security companies hate it!

Anyone want to know the best burglar alarm? Some fancy motion detecting alarm you might say? Nope, dust. That is right, good old dead skin cells. Here is how it works. The unsuspecting intruder breaks in. Because you read this from your favorite blog, you have not dusted in years. The intruder takes one whiff and BOOM!! he is coughing and sneezing all the way out of the house. At the very least it alerts you. What about you? Easy, just wear a gas-mask all around your house because what is more comfortable than watching TV through a gas-mask.

Caller blocked

Due to many spam and annoying phone callers, the phone has a rather large blocked caller list. The phone starts ring and just as you are about to answer it, the blocked caller screen appears and it ceases it rant. I like to think what happens is that somewhere along the signal, a grey bearded cloaked figure with a staff appears, and slamming his staff on the oncoming signal shouts "you shall not pass". Then signal then dies away and the phone registers call "blocked".
Okay I know that's not how it works, but it would be really cool if what we view as technology and circuitry has a huge vast fantasy world behind it. For example if your computer was actually a city, and when the computer crashes the city is experiencing a hurricane or natural disaster.

Doors

I thought I would try my hand at poetry. This is just a rough draft but what do you think?

Doors

The golden grain and dark hues

The solid frame and stoic stance

These guardians of virtue and values

These are doors

They separate light from darkness

They divide the earth between their girth

That we be separate behind their parapet

That unifies us within it bold borders

Burn and demolish

Break and refurbish

Dust and deliver

Donate and develop

The portal to another world

The entrance to a foreign power

These ushers to a grand frontier

These are doors